So Jayden has been in Asia for well over a year, but he’s coming back soon to go to law/business school. Recently, he kindly let me talk to him for a few minutes, and I intended to use this time to chat about the only socially acceptable topic to converse about these days: Chappell Roan. However, Jayden stopped me and told me that she hadn’t really made her way over to Asia, and definitely not China, where he is right now. I then realized that if he couldn’t talk about Chappell, he’s definitely not going to be able to converse about other somewhat recent pop culture moments, meaning that making friends at his new school will be almost impossible without my help. Because I’m such an amazing sister, I’ve agreed to help Jayden fix his modern cluelessness, and write him a monthly pop culture recap of the year or so since he left Canada.
June 2023
Olivia Rodrigo releases vampire, the first single of her upcoming album.
The whole Titan Submersible thing happens. The company behind it was literally called OceanGate, so it was really just a scandal waiting to happen. Also, those few days where the whole world was unsure of what exactly happened were some of the most fun days to go into the office because there was very little actual work happening, and we were mostly just throwing out conspiracy theories.
Colleen Ballinger gets cancelled for allegedly grooming minors and her response is to sing a ten minute song called The Toxic Gossip Train. It's genuinely one of my favourite YouTube videos of all time. I'm not going to link the actual video because it feels wrong to give her money by watching her video, but if you want the gist, you can watch the much longer video:
July 2023
Ariana Grande has a cheating scandal and gets together with Ethan Slater, best known for playing Spongebob Squarepants on Broadway. It's none of my business, but they seem really happy together, although I cannot stand listening to that musical.
Lana Del Rey is seen working at a Waffle House... just cause?
According to her, she was just there with her family and then the employees offered her a shirt and encouraged her to bring people their drinks and stuff for fun, but then how they have a custom name tag already made?
Barbenheimer happened. I still don't get why Oppenheimer was a cinematic event. It's not that it was a bad movie, but just not a very exciting outing. Barbie was an event!
Speak Now (Taylor's Version) comes out.
Doja Cat basically tells her fans to go fuck themselves.
August 2023
Olivia Rodrigo releases the music video to bad idea right?
Michael Oher, former football player and subject of The Blind Side, files a lawsuit claiming that the Tuohys never adopted him and instead placed him under a conservatorship in order to control his business decisions.
Reneé Rapp releases her debut album, Snow Angel.
Rachel Zegler proves the importance of media training if you want to keep a fanbase interested in a reboot when kind of shit talking (but making some valid points about) Snow White, the character she's playing in an upcoming live action movie.
September 2023
Chappell Roan releases her debut album, The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess, although it will take a few months to reach its peak popularity.
Relationship rumours about Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce begin to circulate.
Olivia Rodrigo releases her second studio album, GUTS.
October 2023
Sabrina Carpenter releases the music video for Feather.
Taylor Swift releases 1989 (Taylor's Version)
A woman on TikTok goes viral after saying that she was ditched by her date just for eating 48 oysters. Now, call me crazy, but if I was that guy, instead of being turned off by the oysters, I would be bothered by her filming a TikTok on the first date. Anyway, he snuck away to the "bathroom" and mysteriously never came back. Probably fair because he only ordered a glass of wine while she ordered nearly half a hundred oysters and some other stuff too. I guess they just weren't compatible.
Jada Pinkett Smith reveals that she and Will Smith have been separated since 2016. The internet's consensus is that Will didn't know that.
The Eras Tour concert film hits theatres.
Panera Bread gets into controversy when it's claimed that their lemonade resulted in the death of a college student.
November 2023
Random video chatting website Omegle shuts down after fourteen years of making boring sleepovers creepier in the worst way possible.
The Beatles release Now and Then using AI to complete the song and music video due to the band having broken up fifty three years prior and half the band members having died.
December 2023
Xochitl Gomez wins Season 32 of Dancing with the Stars.
Fantasy author, Cait Corrain, gets dropped by her publisher after it's revealed that she created several fake Goodreads profiles to bash other author's books and boost her own.
Gypsy Rose Blanchard gets released from prison after serving eight years of her ten year sentence.
George Santos is expelled from congress because they realized he's just more suited to be on a Real Housewives show than working in government.
January 2024
A man in Las Vegas seemingly flies when attacking a judge after getting his request for parole denied. Seems like the judge made the right call.
Megan Thee Stallion and Nicki Minaj get into a very public feud.
In the song Hiss, released on January 26, Megan Thee Stallion raps, "These hoes don't be mad at Megan/These hoes mad at Megan's Law." Megan's Law is a US federal law that requires information about sex offenders be made available to the public. Nicki Minaj takes this as a personal attack because her husband and brother are both convicted sex offenders. Three days later, Minaj releases a diss track called Bigfoot, a reference to the gunshot wound Megan Thee Stallion attained after being shot in the foot by rapper Tory Lanez in 2020. The song is Nicki making fun of Megan for getting shot and also the fact her mom is dead. Chaos ensues.
The Mean Girls movie musical is released and surprises viewers as it failed to make it clear that it was a musical in much of its marketing materials.
Steamboat Willie becomes the first original Disney cartoon to become public domain.
February 2024
Willy's Chocolate Experience, an unlicensed event based on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory hits Glasgow. The event was advertised using AI images and the script given to the actors was also entirely AI generated. The experience also introduced an original character called The Unknown, who is an "evil chocolate maker who lives in the walls." Seemingly all The Unknown would do was creepily pop up from behind a mirror to scare unsuspecting children and also probably their parents a little bit too. This begs the question did the AI invent a whole new character and instead of asking the software to reformat the script without it, the organizers just decided to go through the process of hiring an actor to play that part?
According to YouTube commentator/comedian Danny Gonzalez (video attached below), the pictures from the event, "look like Willy Wonka had to flee the country after the FDA found fentanyl in his chocolate, so he has to post up in an abandoned factory to keep the business going while the feds are after him."
Oprah parts ways with Weight Watchers after revealing her use of weight loss drugs.
Ayo Edebiri hosts Saturday Night Live with musical guest Jennifer Lopez, which is made slightly awkward when a podcast clip resurfaces where Edebiri jokes that J-Lo's career is "one long scam" and claims that she doesn't sing most of her own songs.
Speaking of J-Lo, she comes out with an album called This Is Me... Now and an accompanying movie called This Is Me... Now: A Love Story, which seems... confusing.
A child goes viral for singing the Canadian and US national anthems... uniquely?
Former Disney Channel Actress, and current Harvard Law grad and MIT PhD candidate, Bridgit Mendler, announces she's starting a space startup or something.
March 2024
Australian billionaire Clive Palmer holds a press conference announcing the revival of his passion project, the Titanic II.
Olivia Rodrigo releases the deluxe version of her album Guts, called GUTS (spilled).
April 2024
JoJo Siwa makes a drastic career pivot and releases the music video for her song, Karma. The song and music video are negatively received, as is Siwa's new public persona due to feelings that it's more "inauthentic" than other celebrities'. Siwa also receives criticism for saying that she invented gay pop.
Taylor Swift releases her eleventh original studio album, The Tortured Poets Department.
Former NFL player and "alleged" murderer O.J. Simpson dies at age 76.
Sabrina Carpenter releases the music video for Espresso.
The iconic Moulin Rouge windmill's blades fall off.
The solar eclipse happens. That was fun.
Chappell Roan releases the single Good Luck, Babe.
Gypsy Rose Blanchard goes through a social media-filled divorce only a couple months after publicly commenting, "[her husband's] D is fire." According to Global News, "days after announcing the separation, Blanchard was spotted in Louisiana getting matching tattoos with her ex-fiancé."
Bill Nye graces the cover of Time Out magazine.
May 2024
Bridgerton Season 3 Part 1 comes out.
Steve Buscemi is randomly punched in the face while walking in New York City.
Taylor Momsen, known for starring in the original Gossip Girl series and being the lead singer of the The Pretty Reckless, gets bitten by a bat while performing on stage.
North West "sings" on stage at a Lion King performance at the Hollywood Bowl, sparking yet another conversation about nepo babies due to her sucking tremendously.
A "portal" is put up to connect New York City and Dublin. Shortly after, it is disconnected as a result of totally and absolutely unpredictable "lewd and mean-spirited behaviour," including a New Yorker holding up an image referencing the Irish Potato Famine, which a Dubliner responded to by holding up a picture of 9/11. Also there was a bunch of flashing and stuff.
Red Lobster declares bankruptcy, at least partially due to their "endless shrimp" promotion.
June 2024
Jonathan Groff wins his first Tony and I definitely didn't cry watching his speech.
Nicola Coughlan officially joins the "perfect-breast community" when Season 3 Part 2 of Bridgerton is released.
Charli XCX releases her sixth studio album, Brat, causing social media to name summer 2024 "Brat Summer."
Sabrina Carpenter releases the music video for Please Please Please, which stars herself and her boyfriend Barry Keoghan.
Parisians plan to poop in the Seine on the day that the mayor is set to swim in it. Paris Mayor Anne Hidalgo was doing so to prove that it is safe for humans to swim in it during the Paris 2024 Summer Olympics, although after this poop protest, her efforts might be in vain.
Chappell Roan is absolutely iconic at the Governors Ball Music Festival... obviously.
July 2024
After Trump survives an assassination attempt, the latest in Republican fashion is wearing a bandage over one's ear.
Robert Downey Jr. announced to be rejoining the Marvel Cinematic Universe as an entirely different character, Doctor Doom.
Kamala Harris's campaign fully embraces brat, and Charli XCX endorses Kamala by tweeting "kamala IS brat."
The 2024 Summer Olympics start, and Summer McIntosh is slaying them.
You're welcome, Jayden.